F$CK WH$T Y$$ H$$RD
It's What You're Hearin'
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heckacute:

I’m old enough to be your father. I don’t mean your biological father, but if your parents got divorced and your mother decided to start dating and eventually marry a much younger, better looking guy, then that would be me. I’m him. 

heckacute:

Strangers often stop me and say, “You’re really beautiful. You could be a model,” and I say, “Wow, thank you so much. That means a lot coming from somebody who could obviously never be a model unless a company needed to take pictures of a wet bag of trash for an advertisement and, for some reason, it was cheaper to hire a person who looks like that rather than actually get a real soaking wet garbage bag full of rotting food and glass shards.”  

→ 13
mom: are you on drugs?
me: 私は今の薬です
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